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Updated: Aug 25, 2023

Normally, I don’t watch Reality TV. The shouting, the fighting, and the second-hand embarrassment make me tense, and this immediately shows in my knitting tension. However, when Netflix released The Ultimatum: Queer Love, I just had to watch it. Really, it’s part of the gay contract I signed when I came out and joined the Gay Agenda *wink wink*.

This show features 5 couples in which one of the two is ready to get married, and the other one is ... not. The ‘sure' issue an ultimatum to the ‘unsure’ of the couple, meaning: they either get married by the end of the show, or they break up for good. Every couple spends one last night together before they break up and, newly single, mingle with the rest of the cast. They have one week to get to know the others, after which they pick a ’trial’ wife. Like true lesbians, they U-haul and move in with their trial wives for the next three weeks. They struggle, they learn, and they grow. After which, they move back in with their previous partners for three weeks to either recommit or stay broken up.

participants of The Ultimatum: Queer Love

The show is a bit silly, but also rich and entertaining. You start out thinking: ‘None of you should be getting married,’ but as you learn more about each of them, you start to root for these people, and you’re proud to watch them learn to speak up for themselves.

Turns out reality tv is perfect for knitting. You can squeeze in a lot of stitches in all those long dramatic pauses. The alternating between footage and interviews means that even if you missed something because you were focusing on your project, it is talked about again. You just need to pick the right show that doesn’t make you tense and mess up your knitting. The Ultimatum: Queer Love was that for me, even though I was super stressed during the last episode when they make their final decisions.

two women in love look at each other in the eyes

The show also touches on some heavy topics, like overcoming different communication styles; how to deal with your partner’s past trauma in the relationship; and raises important questions about love, relationships, and marriage, which you can meditate on during your knitting even after the show ends. Ultimately it led to big conversations with my girlfriend, so now, please excuse me while I log off and start knitting. I have two wedding dresses to knit!


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